Preparing for a New Year

I have no special resolutions. I almost never make New Years resolutions.  The new calendar year always sneaks up too quickly.  Far too quickly after the holiday season in winter.  If I make resolutions, it's not at January 1.

I do, however, reflect upon the previous calendar year.  It's been "full" that's for sure.  Granted, isn't every year full of new delights, surprises, loses, changes, frustrations, drama... Some years it seems more so than others. This would be one of those years.  But I like to keep it all in perspective, especially when it can feel overwhelming.  The reality is, even with all the "bad" things, we have it good - my family and I. We have all the basics for survival - food, shelter, water, income; happiness.  And many extras (books, electronics, the occasional dinner out, toys.) And I have fiber (I can't decide if that's a basic necessity or an extra... depends on how you classify "sanity"- whether or not it is a necessity).  That is why you won't find me here dwelling on the overwhelming - I choose not to dwell. I like to shift my focus to the wonderful (and the less-overwhelming do-able stuff).

Here's to another WONDERFUL year.  (I'd raise a glass, but all I have with me is a mug of coffee. And this dark chocolate that I am not sharing.) (Do you like the blink? I know, it's annoying. That's part of the appeal to me :P  )

If you're wondering about our plans for New Years Eve, they're nothing special.  Try to get Abi to sleep and watch some movies perhaps.  (Lately I've had to stay with her until after 10 to get her to sleep! Every evening has been devoted to keeping Abi in bed and helping her fall asleep. What happened to the bedtime routine??) And tomorrow? Ummm, weather permitting (ie, if we get some snow back!) we could go tobogganing now that most of the family is over our colds.  Or ice skating.  That would be nice.  Abi went yesterday and I hear she didn't even need any support with her bob-skates.  J suggested she could upgrade to ice skates, but I don't foresee buying new skates this year.  Next year, in Winnipeg. (ah, sweet Winnipeg home... how I miss you.)

Thinking of others

I thought you'd enjoy this lovely little exchange I had yesterday with Abigail.  We were on our way out to New Hamburg with plans to stop at Meme's Cafe for a coffee (which turned into a hot apple cider for us to share) and then to Shall We Knit to shop with my gift certificate.  Abigail was home because of the lieu-holiday-days for daycare.
I turned on the radio, "maybe we can find some good music" I said.
"Can you put on the Monkey song?" asks Abi
"Sorry hun, I don't have it here in the car. I made a copy for the car. But I forgot the copy. I don't know where it is."
"Mom, you forgot your coffee?  You can share my water."

huh? where did she get... oh, she heard coffee when I said copy... Wasn't that sweet?  She thought I forgot my coffee and so offered to share her drink.
So much for selfish, self-centered toddlers.

Have I mentioned how much I dislike the pop-children's-developmental-psych BS?  Ditto on the classical stage models that inform them.
I'm pretty sure they neglect one crucial factor - kids learn from modeling (among other things). If they behave in self-centered ways, maybe they learned THAT behaviour.  You know, the typical "don't touch mommy's things" would easily translate into "don't touch my things" for a kid.  The "experts" conveniently remember this later in a child's development - especially when they want to point out negative influences of peers and media - but I digress.
Of course sometimes Abi doesn't want other kids touching her toys.  Certainly we've asked her not to touch some of our stuff - although we're pretty darn easy going and there's only a few things we say that for.  And other kids have insisted she not touch their things.  And she's had several experiences now where she has kindly let other kids play with her toys and they break them.  Who can blame her for not wanting them to touch her toys.  Or, it's the one toy she's playing with and someone walks up and just expects her to share it.  Would we do that to another adult?  "Oh, I see you're playing a really cool single player video game and you're half-way through but I want to play right now so I expect you to stop the game and let me join."  Yeah, I've watched gamers, I don't see that happening. Or, "hey, nice new sports car, can I drive it? I swear I won't break this one!"  Or, to choose an example closer to my own idea of fun, "hey, that's some nice yarn and knitting. I'd love to use some of that yarn, would you mind if I just cut some of it off for myself?" (ludicrous idea! and dude, you ain't touching my alpaca! get your own alpaca! I am not sharing. At least not until I am all done this project - then you might get my leftovers.)  Or perhaps they just want to do some of your knitting for you, as if they can knit the same as you (we all have different tension, techniques, etc).
Nope, I think it's perfectly fair for a child to behave in seemingly "selfish" ways - not because children are "naturally selfish" (BS) but because we all are. We all have our own things we like to do, our own projects, our own special toys. And we will grant that others have their own special things and respect that. So why not respect children having their special things - not for sharing. 

How many of us would hear "I forgot my coffee" and instantly respond "you can share mine".  (Okay, quite a few of the people I know, because I know awesome people, but I think you get my point.)

Post-Holiday-Post

I won't lie - it was a long weekend of head colds, clingy kid, and tantrums toddler (same child). (Seriously had to argue with her over removing a wet diaper Sunday morning.)
There were good times too. I focused on those...
Abi had been home sick since Thursday. At some point she brought me a handful of small hair ties and insisted I give her pony tails...

Friday evening - Christmas Eve - we had a fondue with Robin's cousins. It was delicious, but I can say with certainty that it is difficult to fondue with a clingy child in your lap.  She was eventually enticed away by Dora so I could finish eating.
Then she got some presents:

The second package contained art supplies, including some paints which Abi just had to use the next morning before she would even look at the other gifts under the tree.

 She was even afraid to come downstairs in the morning because she feared Santa would be there.  She finally agreed to come look at the tree from the stairs and from that point we were able to convince her that Santa was not around.  Even so, she was not particularly interested in opening gifts.

sneezing, not crying - at that moment

We handed her a stocking and convinced her to pull out the contents - at which point she was quite happy about the Candy Canes and probably would have spent the rest of the day eating them if she could. Then she decided she wanted to paint, so I gave her a small gift I'd prepared with craft supplies including new paint brushes.

After painting she finally agreed to open some gifts.  Once she got started she was quite delighted, but still took her time.  See some of the final products around:

 Sylvanian Family / Calico Critters in the new bedroom set in the home-made box doll house.
(Wooden couch set sent earlier by coworkers of Robin's from Mexico this summer; other wooden furniture found in a bin marked 10/$1 one day years ago. Wooden blocks round out the furniture and there are plans to sculpt some more items from the Sculpey I have.)
 New train set addition from Nana and PaPere and fairy wings (from the Christmas Fairy, just like in her book). New Cabbage Patch Kid doll in the background - from Aunty Ericka. I think I might also see the My Little Ponies and new phone from Gam-Gam

 Vet dress up clothes - from Aunty Corey of course.

 Hat from Alaska from Grandpa - it's too big right now, but that's okay. She'll grow into it and has plenty of hats for this year.

Here's a short video of the beginning and end of Christmas morning:




 And then there's my stash-addition - bought by me on behalf of others. (Thanks mom, dad, and Alan)

 Yarns and fiber and a turkish spindle from Knit Picks, plus a project bag I found at Value Village (pretty cute!) and my sweater kit from Knit Picks (only $25!!). (Not shown are some needle supplies already put away or in use.)
The dark brown is a lovely handspun by the Roving Spinners - with alpaca and silk and other delightful things. The pink is a silk blend I bought to knit with it - so I can knit a larger project. (The lighter browns are some alpaca I found on sale that I hope to use to knit a smaller Caireen.)
I'm very excited to spin some dyed fiber, such as the berries and blue from Lofty Fibers - nummy.


This year I knit Robin socks - his first hand knit pair - and the cowl. Abi received the lion and various other knit items earlier in winter.

(Both socks were finished by Christmas, but I neglected to take a photo. This was the SkyFi pattern I test knit that uses Cat Bordhi's sky architecture for the gusset/heel shaping. Works perfect if you have high arches like Robin does. The yarn is Swamp Thing I special ordered through Etsy from To-Ply Fiber Arts. That's also where I ordered the lovely earthy fiber to spin, pictured above. Fabulous stuff!)

Robin and I received some DVDs (yay for entertainment) and food stuff (baked brie anyone? thanks Ericka). I watched Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog and Commentary the Musical and then Repo! The Genetic Opera (thanks hun) this weekend. Robin re-watched the LOTR trilogy as usual (Abi and I did not). Robin's still debating what he'll buy with his Christmas money. It started with an MP3 player and escalated to a new laptop at some point - so who knows!

Hope you had a lovely holiday with family and friends.  We enjoyed our time with Candace and Jon, but I did miss not having the extended family around to celebrate with :(  This afternoon Abi and I are off to a friend's house and Robin will join us for turkey dinner! Yay for Turkey!!!  As an added bonus, I can wind my new yarn there... ;)

Happy Yule

Solstice Lion helped us greet the sun this morning - well, we imagined we could see the sun rising. The clouds were too thick to see anything more than a diffuse glow.
Finally completed the lion late last night, technically today - during the longest night of the year. Remind me to never again choose a project that first requires me to knit the fabric then sew flat pieces together. I might as well have saved myself some work and bought fabric! Let's not even talk about the full mane of loop stitches.

Abi also received a watch from Nana. She picked it out on Monday, but she seems to have not realized we brought it home - or else forgot.

Robin received a transformers cowl / neck warmer. One side features the autobots logo and the other the decepticons. I actually managed to keep it hidden while duplicate stitching the design. He had already tried on the basic black cowl to make sure it fit.

Covering his head:


I received two knitting patterns from local knit friends - gifted through Ravelry.  Now I need to buy more yarn! Oh darn.

And I am pleased to say that I have succesfully met my own expectations this year of not being a Christmas consumerist - at least not in the buy-too-much-stuff way. Of course I did buy some things. My total spending this winter on gifts (from our budget*) for 21 people ** was $180 (that's rounding up a little).
How did I manage that? Easy, I knit many gifts from my yarn stash.  So the total isn't actually the VALUE of all the gifts given, just what came out of our winter budget (and a little from end of fall because I'm retroactively counting some of that yarn) and most of that was for Abi.  Actually, the most expensive items include yarn*^ and yarn soak.***
I worked very hard to curb my inherited predilection for giving many gifts and shopping (usually all year for gifts).  I focused on unique and special items.  And I will not succumb to the temptation to compete with the gift Aunty Ericka sent for Abi... we already know exactly what she'll be playing with all day Saturday and Sunday. (Except when we take her tobogganing with our gift.)

*this does not include gifts I bought using money sent by family members to shop on their behalf.
** including Robin and Abi, but not including Robin's family who I did not do the gifts for this year - so you can blame him about your gifts not arriving.
*** Let me emphasize that this is MY frugal spending, despite Robin being the frugal one.  Seeing as how he'll be buying his standard gifts online (if he hasn't already) I'm going to estimate he'll spend more than half of what I spent on gifts for 3 people (not including me).  HA! HA HA HA! I like to think of this as "yarn karma". That means, when I "need" yarn and buy some delicious alpaca to brighten my day, and Robin tries to complain I will pull out the Xmas budget comparison...
*^ NOT included in this tally is the yarn and fiber and yarn stuff I bought for myself.  Much of it was bought in the late fall / early winter.  I have retroactively applied money I received (or am still waiting for) to those purchases.  That means I've been a very good girl.  So far I've managed to spend about $200 on yarny stuff buying from local yarn shops, local dyers, and other artisan yarns via etsy, as well as a drop spindle, a full sweater kit, some needles... and I did mention the fiber to spin right?  If you were a fiber fanatic and looked at the stash, you'd be hard-pressed to believe I only spent $200.  I've handed it all over to Robin with instructions to put it under the tree for me.  That way I'll actually have something under the tree.  And, what fiber fanatic doesn't want to fondle new yarns over and over and over?  (Did I mention there is alpaca?  Oh, and a delightful handspun with silk and alpaca.)

Missed Eclipse

I stayed up past 2am hoping to catch the Eclipse (I hear it made some brief appearances), but the clouds were too thick.  Took a walk in the cool, crisp night while the family slept.  I was considering waiting longer, while still working, but Abi awoke and I fell asleep with her.  I've heard some people watched it live online, but that would defeat the purpose for me.  In that case, I'm sure I can catch it later on Youtube.
I did wake in time to see the sun rising through our window, over the trees.  Granted, it's not hard to wake in time for that considering how late the sun rises these days.
Oh how I look forward to shorter nights and longer days.

I've been singing the Winter Solstice song from Circle Round "The sun is born again today" (well, tomorrow, but I've been singing it for a few days now for Abi) "We greet the sun's first morning rays, We sing and celebrate that light. The sun's born in the longest night."

I also wrote a new verse for the Circle Round song Welcome Back to the Rain.  My version is for the snow. (Actually, now that I think of it I also have other rain verses, but those aren't relevant right now).

Welcome back to the snow snow snow
We love the season when the trees are aglow
And snowflakes fall upon us all
Welcome back to the snow

 Off to Little Bean cafe this morning to finish up Chapter 5 and get out of the house!  Abi was home with a sore tummy (me thinks too many cookies at the parties!). She insisted all she wanted to do was stay home with mommy - although I tempted her with thoughts of all her favourite daycare activities to test her.  She rested all day and didn't ask for cookies. So I guess she really was not feeling well.  Mid afternoon, she asked to go to daycare, but it was too late.  She tried asking for cookies twice, but was informed that there were most definitely not going to be any cookies for her if she was sick that day.  Much to my surprise she didn't even try to open the two containers within her reach.  See, sick.  The cookie monster never misses an opportunity to steal cookies within her reach!

Some holiday reading for you - more from my introduction

I previously posted the first part of the introduction to my dissertation. Here is the continuation of that post. It's long, I warn you - about 8 pages single spaced.  But if you've ever wondered about me as a researcher - here you go. I lay it all out. This is me. This is my introduction. This is how I write when I'm not using a lot of "academese" (although I suppose there remains a lot of academic language in here. I hope it's readable to a more general audience.). And maybe some of you may be able to remind me of something I neglected to include here that you think is missing.  
and here I go... [nervously hitting "publish"]

My history, or parts thereof, contributing to a study of religious socialization

Many years ago, long before I was with child, but at a time when I was in a committed relationship with thoughts of marriage and children in the future, I wondered what children’s perceptions of religion are and how children come to learn about and understand religion.  Certainly, I thought, it’s not simply through formal religious education or inherited from parents.  If that were the case I would be either an Anglican or Catholic.  I attended Anglican Sunday schools and Catholic catechism; I sang in the church choirs; I even attended a Christian youth group with my best friend in grade two. ( I loved the cookies and juice, singing, and games.)   However, at some point during my three years at a Catholic elementary school (grades 3 to 5) I realized that what the principle had told my family wasn’t exactly true.  It wasn’t necessary for us to attend church in order to attend that school.  I would miss the church choir, where I was the only child member (it was how I could convince my young self to attend church) and the center of attention (those older women loved me and always gave me a solo at the Christmas mass), but if I didn’t have to attend church then I was most certainly not going to. It was boring, even with a book of songs to flip through and music to learn.  Singing was, when I think upon it now, a spiritual mode of expression for me, but I didn’t need to be singing those songs.   I later joined a youth choir that sometimes sang Christian music, but not exclusively.  As my voice would join in harmony with others, something greater than myself was formed, and that was spiritual, that was communitas for me[1].  I was, by that time, without religious affiliation.  From grade 6 until the end of my public school education there was no more talk of religion in the classroom and little at home that I can recall.  It wasn’t until I was fourteen years old that I embraced religion on my own terms and without any supportive community.  Thus it was that I understood, on a personal level, that one’s religion is not dictated by early religious education or familial religious affiliation.  And perhaps that is why in high school I wrote my history paper on religion in the German Third Reich (a topic most definitely not approached in the classroom) and researched first century Gnosticism for an extended essay in the International Baccalaureate program.  In retrospect, it may have been inevitable that I would find myself in a PhD program for religious studies, but when I started my bachelor degree I was certain I would study psychology (I desired to better understand “why” people do things, and this inspires me still) and theatre (which I continued with, doing a double major).  In my first year of university I was quickly disenchanted with psychology and entranced by a world religions course as well as a philosophy course that critically considered religion as part of the human condition.  I had never imagined I could, or would want to, study religions, but I discovered a new world of possibilities and as I looked back upon my high school projects I realized that this was truly an area of study I wished to pursue further as I explored the “whys” of human activity.  Under the tutorship of Dr. Paul Bramadat I studied religion and culture (alongside the world religions), but it was his course on Storied Lives that most profoundly shaped my future studies using qualitative and ethnographic research methods.

An interactionist perspective

In retrospect I now know that the research perspective I adopted during my undergraduate years is an interactionist perspective, but it was not until near the end of my PhD program that I took time to dive back into the theoretical underpinnings of my research methodology.  I had been “doing” it for so long, since the last year of my BA, throughout my MA, and into my PhD program, that I took this theoretical perspective for granted.  I was engaged in other research, of expanding my research and theoretical breadth (studying the classics in the sociology of religious as well as the popular new theories such as Rational Choice Theory, keeping up with the secularization debate, and socialization theory), rather than examining my methodology.  I had continued to read literature related to methodology, particularly about reflexive ethnography, and reviewing qualitative field research methods to improve my skill set.  I was also deeply engaged with the growing literature on the sociology of childhood, an area of research that was new to me and thus I sought to fully immerse myself in the literature.  So it was that as I was engaging with the new paradigm in the sociology of childhood and developing my research project I found myself at odds with the dominant sociological theories of socialization.  As I will describe in the following chapter, these theories did not adequately address the interactions between agents in their definitions or discussions.  And so I developed my own theory.  For six months I struggled to define socialization in a way that accounted for agents and agencies – and then I happened to access the right resource, read the right passage, and discovered that this definition was already available from an interactionist perspective which I had not yet encountered because such a perspective is not commonly referenced in the dominant literature I was reading.  This was the point at which I began formally (re)acquainting myself with interactionist theory and, retrospectively, realized that I had already been familiar with much of this theory without properly taking notice of the field[2].  Such can be the tangents of research in academia – something I find both frustrating and delightful for there is always new perspectives to explore and new insights to be gained.

Reflections from a Scholar-Practitioner

At this point I expect I should situate myself as an active member and practitioner with the Pagan movement.  When I moved to southern Ontario I deliberately became involved with local Pagan communities for two reasons.  On the one hand, I enjoy facilitating and participating in group rituals and activities.  Although I began my studies of Paganism (at the age of fourteen) as a solitary practitioner, I made a conscious effort to meet other Pagans as I reached adulthood and as I moved across the country to begin grad school.  I sought community, particularly when I moved to St. John’s, Newfoundland alone.  The Pagans I have encountered in the last decade or more have been a supportive community, one which I am appreciative of.  Certainly I have learned much as a practitioner through my interactions with other Pagans, but most pertinently here, I have learned a great deal from observing others and reflecting upon my participation.  Ever the observer, I often find myself at the edge, watching, and must force myself to be more engaged.  The second reason I became involved with local Pagan communities was in anticipation of conducting this research.  I have always been honest about my research interests, but as a scholar-practitioner (in a religious movement composed of many scholar-practitioners), I did not preface every interaction with a statement about my research and certainly I was not able to inform every person I observed at public Pagan events.  Public observations are included in this study only at a general level out of respect for the persons I observed but also because I am critically aware that what I observe are public presentations of the self that require more engaged qualitative discussions and interviews with the individual to be better understood.  Similarly I have read hundreds of public Internet discussions written by Pagan parents on bulletin boards, in e-groups, and other public and semi-public[3] discussion forums which have informed my perspective in general but will not be referenced directly out of respect for individual’s right to be informed about participation in research.  This applies to discussion forums, but not to electronic publications.  I treat Internet articles written by Pagans as a form of primary documents the same as print media publications.  These include blog postings on public blogs (I am not subscribed to any private Pagan blogs) that constitute a dedicated space in which individuals deliberately publish their thoughts, ideas, and perspectives for a general audience.

As a Pagan practitioner I attend public Pagan events as well as semi-private events[4].  Public events include Pagan Pride days and similar public gatherings at which any passerby is welcome[5].  I classify semi-private Pagan events as being advertised among a general Pagan populace but occurring in non-public spaces.  For example, many group rituals are hosted at community spaces.  Although they are advertised as “public” events, the rituals themselves are intimate events and in many cases the participants are already familiar with one another from previous gatherings.  Some such events require that attendees contact the organizer to learn the location of the event to ensure greater intimacy.  I also consider Pagan festivals to be semi-public events insofar as attendees expect that other attendees are Pagan practitioners (of some form) like themselves, registration is required, and it is an intimate space of interactions wherein Pagans expect to not have to hide some aspects of their identity that they may feel obliged to hide from the mainstream public.  Although there is a possibility at all of these public and semi-private events that non-Pagans could interrupt the activities, this was never the case at any of the events I attended during my fieldwork.[6]  Similarly, although it is possible that some attendees do not identify as Pagan practitioners, they at least seem to be positively oriented towards the movement.

Being an active member within local Pagan communities provided me with some advantages.  I do not think it would have been possible for me to locate as many families to participate in the research had I not already known many families.  Given the high rate of non-participation among the many families I encountered as a member of the community, I think it would have been even more difficult for me to have secured family interviews if I was not a familiar face.  Although I am an active participant I am not particularly well known as a community leader compared with others with whom I have worked in the community.  Being relatively new to the community and having many other commitments has hindered my participation, even where I desired to be more active.  I also deliberately strove to not associate myself with any single group that might cause other Pagans to not associate with me.  However, my activity in the “Pan-Pagan” community (or more precisely, my lack of association with any form of traditional witchcraft) did hinder my relations with some groups and persons.  There were times that I did not have the energy to be actively involved in Pagan communities[7], as well as times when interpersonal dynamics were stressful and I wanted to back away.  However, I feared burning bridges and closing doors that would hinder my research and so I worked to maintain connections.  More often than not, the relationships I developed with Pagan communities enriched my life as well as my research.  

Reflexive research

As a reflexive-researcher, however, my greatest struggle has been with my (hyper-) self-reflexivity.  I think the word often used to describe me is perfectionist (although in some things I make a conscious effort to embrace imperfection, my research and writing are not among those things).  As I would begin to explore new research areas (such as the sociology of childhood, socialization theories) and to deepen my knowledge of other areas in my speciality (new religious movements and Pagan studies, sociology of religion, religion and culture), my perfectionism and reflexivity drove me to read widely, never satisfied with a narrow study.  I wanted to be sure I was thoroughly familiar with the topics that are so critical to my analysis.  I also sought familiarity with multiple perspectives, whether I agreed with them or not.[8]  Eventually (months to years later) I would feel satisfied that I understood the field sufficiently (if never perfectly because fields of knowledge shift).  I would write and reflect, and then I would begin to reflect and question my informed understanding.  How much, I wondered, was I taking for granted? (For example, see the above discussion of interactionist theories that I took for granted.)  It is never enough for me to assume something is “common knowledge”, even when it is common within a field of study, because it often seemed to me that what is presumed to be common understanding might not be well rooted in current research but simply a commonly shared perception of things[9].  Certainly, my research on socialization theory and on the state of second generation Pagans challenges what I found to be the dominant ideas in the literature.  What else, I wondered, might I be taking for granted in my new-found comfort zone?  This makes writing very uncomfortable for me.  I must make a statement; I must write something, and what I write will be a permanent statement.  Ultimately, putting aside philosophical questions about truth and knowledge, I frequently must remind myself that as a researcher I can only put forward my own well-reasoned, well-researched, analysis and invite others to join me in conversation to explore these issues.  Even so, as I write I frequently find myself triple-checking small things, never satisfied that my understanding is sufficient, and hours later putting the final period on an extended footnote or a sentence.  Some of those footnotes lasted for days and weeks, even though I knew that the ideas were tangential to the focus of this project.  Some of the extra research never made (or has yet to be cut, as I write this) into the final dissertation.  It has been put aside for future projects, for even as I was engrossed in the dissertation my mind frequently imagined other projects concerning children and religion.

Fieldwork

I formally began my fieldwork in mid-October of 2007 by interviewing one family as part of a pilot project required of me by the University of Waterloo Research Ethics Review board.  Permission to conduct this pilot study came after more than a year of negotiations with board members who were hesitant to allow me to conduct qualitative interviews with young persons concerning a new religious movement[10].   Following the success of the pilot interviews I was granted permission to continue my research.  Interviews with twelve more families (in addition to the initial family interviewed for the pilot project) were conducted between January of 2008 and December of 2010.  I am very grateful to the families who agreed to participate in the study and took time from their busy schedules to allow me to visit with them in their homes to speak with them.  Given the relatively small number of participating families, I feel obliged to state that there were at least another twenty families I spoke with who either a) were not interested in participating, usually because the child was not interested, b) did not respond to inquiries sent after we spoke in person at an event, or c) initially agreed to participate but one or more family members changed their mind just prior to the arranged interview.  Although I personally found the experience frustrating because I was not able to interview as many families as I had intended when I began this research, I respect the choices of those who declined and recognize how easily my inquiries might be ignored or forgotten.   Life situations occur; there certainly were large changes in my life also during the last few years.  With that in mind, I am all the more grateful to those who have allowed me to come to their homes and speak with them.  In my small sample there is great diversity and I strongly suspect that research with additional families would have reflected the same findings.  Even so, I continue to imagine a longitudinal study and a larger quantitative study focused on the religious socialization of and religious identity of second generation Pagans for comparison purposes.

Formal interviews with families were supplemented with several years of participant-observation of children and parents at public Pagan events, most especially beginning in September of 2004 when I moved to southern Ontario.  Some of this participant observation began years before I was formally engaged in fieldwork, as a natural outcome of my participation as a practitioner in these events.  I knew well in advance what I intended to study for my dissertation and so my ever-observant-self paid particular attention to the presence of children and parents.  Early participant observation helped me to shape my research questions before formally beginning the study[11].  My first journal of fieldnotes dedicated to this project was begun in June of 2006 in anticipation of attending my second witchcamp.  All of the festivals attended for this research take place in southern Ontario and involve explicit programming for children.  I attended Wild Ginger Witchcamp (WGWC)[12] in June of 2005, 2006, 2007, and 2009.  WGWC provides childcare for young children, path work[13] for school-aged kids, and invites older teenagers to participate in most of the adult-focused path workings.[14]  Children are also welcome to most of the evening rituals, but childcare is provided for those parents who would prefer this option during rituals, particularly when rituals will involve long meditations.  WGWC is an explicitly family-friendly event.  It is also drug- and alcohol-free.  Given the predominance of female attendees and children, which result in a lack of sexual activity around the fire, as well as its drug and alcohol prohibitions, it is not subject to the same evening revelry concerns that other adult festivals encounter.  In addition to structured events (morning path work, rituals, and meals), WGWC includes afternoon free-time where participants can enjoy swimming in a pond or exploring the natural landscape along the Niagara escarpment, gather with other attendees for affinity group discussions, attend additional workshop offerings provided by fellow attendees, walk the labyrinth built in 2007, or otherwise spend their time as they choose.  I often spent sunny days at the pond where many children were gathered to play and adults lounged in conversation.  WGWC always concludes with group discussion and feedback about the event from participants, which provided ample opportunities to hear about the experiences of parents. 

In July of 2007, 2009, and 2010 I attended Spirits of the Earth Festival (SOTE)[15].  SOTE provides daytime, supervised activities for children with an annual theme.  The children’s accomplishments (of those who attended the organized children’s activities) are recognized publicly on Friday evening during the medieval feast.  At SOTE, the evening concerts and fireside revels are expected to be “child-friendly” until 11pm, at which time it is left to the parents’ discretion whether they allow their kids to stay as the adult attendees’ behaviour becomes more raucous.  Like other festivals, SOTE expects attendees to volunteer their time during the festivals.  I volunteered to help out with the children’s activities each year, which provided me with opportunities to observe the children who attended (notably, this was usually a small proportion of the children attending the festival) and talk with the children’s events organizer.  It was difficult to observe the children much of the time as they ran about in groups engaged in their own activities.  When there was a pool present, they could often be found there.  In 2009 I camped with another family and was able to learn from the kids I was with and observe how they (new attendees) slowly established relationships with the other kids (many of whom have attended festivals together in the past).  In 2010 I camped with a mother and her adolescent daughter.

Between 2004 and 2010 I also attended several Pagan Pride Day and public Meet and Greet events southern Ontario where I observed children and parents in attendance and recorded fieldnotes of my observations.  In 2007 I volunteered with a year-long Pagan program for children called Wondergarten.  Most of the child participants of Wondergarten were too young to participate in my research project at the time, however, I was able to interview two of the participants years later. During my 6 years living in the region I have also attended many group rituals, some of which included children and teenagers, and some of which I helped facilitate.  During ritual planning meetings, the presence of children at public rituals was often discussed.

In the spring of 2008 I gave birth to my daughter.  Consequently, I did not attend any festivals that summer.  She has accompanied me to all Pagan events since then, except one group ritual for adults only.  My husband does not attend these events with me.  Fortunately my daughter is a very easy-going, extroverted child who loves social events.  Her presence provided me with additional access to some of the programming for kids.  For example, at WGWC in 2009 my daughter attended the childcare programming while I followed the “unpath” during workshop hours to write fieldnotes, observe the children’s path that took place outside the dining hall, and develop my research.  Childcare during the days (and this was my first experience with daytime childcare as I had been the sole primary care person for my daughter since her birth) enabled me to continue my research as well as provided me with an opportunity to experience the childcare programming as a parent.

Anonymity

Many of the families I interviewed were also families I observed before, or after, at events.  I have largely kept these observations separate when the details might compromise the anonymity of interview participants.  The question of anonymity is one that was particularly challenging for me with this project.  It is my preference to grant participants the choice of anonymity or the use of their name.  In my past research with Pagans, many choose to be identified in the research.  I encountered the same for this project, however I had already made the executive decision to require that all participants be anonymous.  This decision was made, on my part, to respect all members of the family – those who participate and those who choose not to.  To allow one family participant the option to be identified within the work would compromise the ability of other family members to choose anonymity.  That children might choose to be identified was particularly problematic if parents would prefer that their children be anonymous participants.  Although one line of reasoning, to require anonymity, might be that children could potentially change their mind later, this was not a reason for my decision.  I approach the rights of children in research as I approach the rights of adult persons: both might change their mind later, but both equally should have the right to choose whether or not they are anonymous participants at this time.  Each family was allowed to choose their own pretend family name and each participant chose their own pseudonym.  Similarly, all participants completed and signed their own consent form, although for legal reasons children technically signed “assent” forms and their parents additionally signed consent for the children’s participation. 

Where my research would reveal the identity of a participant, such as a person who is actively involved in facilitating group activities and thus well known within a community, I have separated their discussion of group events from their discussion of their family.  Where participants have referenced particular local persons and events, I have made those references more anonymous.  I have made a concerted effort to provide anonymity for my participants but, as I have warned them, it is possible that persons who know the family well will recognize their contributions. 

Interview methodology

During the interview, participants were given the option to speak with me alone in a common room (typically a living room or kitchen) or with others present.  Some chose individual interviews, others chose to have their family around.  Occasionally, when they were present, family members would add comments; both children and parents helped to elaborate upon the topic of discussion, although each were interviewed separately.  Interviews with parents typically lasted between one and two hours[16].  Interviews with kids were shorter, and frequently required more probing questions, lasting between 30 minutes and an hour.  Participants were provided with a list of discussion questions prior to the interview and asked to complete two short self-reflection projects that explored their identity (“Who are you?”) and priorities (“Describe up to 10 things that are very important to you”).  At the beginning of the project I had asked participants to photograph up to ten things that are sacred (“very special”) to them to be discussed at a follow up interview.  However, this was not a very successful protocol and I later asked participants to take photographs prior to the interview.  These three tasks provided participants an opportunity to reflect on themselves before participating in research that would ask them to speak more of themselves and their experiences.  The question of “Who are you?” and the list of important things enabled me to gauge the importance of religion and religious identity for participants prior to specifically asking about this during the interview.  These descriptions provided a base-line for locating the role of religion in their lives.  The reason I had initially not asked participants to take photographs of what was sacred to them prior to the interview was to not raise a discussion of religious things prior to the interview.  However, given the difficulty I encountered in arranging follow-up interviews and sustaining interviewee’s participation in taking photographs after the primary interview, I did move this inquiry to the pre-interview tasks mid-way through the research process.  Not all participants completed all of these tasks.  Where participants had not completed them, I asked them to respond to the questions during the interview just as I asked other participants to discuss their projects with me.  Participants who had not completed the pre-interview tasks found it more difficult to respond to the questions.

All interviews were audio-recorded using a digital recording device, with the consent of the participants.  Additionally, I made some notes during and after the interview.  When transcribing the interviews I included the nuances of speech.  However, in my presentation of the interviews I have edited for grammar and coherency where appropriate.  During the process of transcription I often find that participants move back and forth between ideas, and interrupt themselves with asides.  As I am not conducting a narrative analysis of the interviews, I have chosen instead to highlight the coherent thoughts of participants rather than give attention to grammatical errors in speech or a discussion that shifts mid-sentence and returns to the original topic half a paragraph later.  Where such interjections illustrate important ideas, I would appropriately indicate these.

Participants will be provided with a PDF copy of the final dissertation (submitted for completion of the PhD program) and invited to give their feedback before it is (hopefully) published for a public readership.  It is my expectation that participants will not be offended by any content, particularly regarding their contributions.  However, should participants be concerned about their contribution or inclusion, this will be addressed in conversation and appropriately resolved.  Participants might still withdraw the inclusion of quotes or descriptions of their family if they are dissatisfied with their participation.  Participant feedback may also be included, with their permission, in the final publication where relevant.

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[1] I still love group chanting.  In my later teen and young adult years I was involved in group theatre, seeking that same sense of communitas in performance.

[2] I had seen it before, but because it was a familiar perspective, I would skim past and would slow down instead when I encountered perspectives that were new or challenging to me.  When I look back over the most influential texts that have shaped my perspective, the explicit discussions of interactionist perspectives is clear to me.

[3] Some of the Internet discussions I have accessed required that I be a group member. This typically involved clicking a button to join or, at most, providing one sentence that proves I am not a computer spam-bot.  I engaged with most of these boards as an observer.  However, early on in my research process I made a public announcement on several boards concerning my research and seeking research participants.  I did not make many successful contacts using Internet-mediated requests for participation.  My announcement concerning my research project had little visible impact upon group discussions and seems to have been quickly forgotten, perhaps because I was not an active participant in Internet group discussions. 

[4] I also attend private events, but these do not ever feature in my research.

[5] Despite this openness, I observed that many Pagans in attendance at public events such as Pagan Pride days treated them as more intimate semi-private events because they felt surrounded by fellow Pagans.  Given that most people in attendance are also Pagans – as evidenced by their clothing and jewelery, this is not surprising.

[6] Only once, during a dawn ritual at a park in Winnipeg many years ago, have I observed a ritual interrupted by a passerby.  In that case it was a curious young man, evidently on his way home from a late night involving many intoxicants, inquiring about the group’s activity.  The ritual organizers politely informed him using general terms before he wandered away.

[7] I am involved with multiple communities, some of which overlap but each with their own dynamics.

[8] I have written long critiques of the research and works I disagreed with, but for the sake of this project, I forced myself to reconsider their value and to highlight what can be learned from diverse perspectives.  I have always disliked publications that assert their own superiority over the research perspectives of another.  My critiques remain my own, for private discussion and as a way of sharpening my perspective through interaction with the other.

[9] That shared perception may be an accurate description, but it may simply be repeated so often that it seems to be accurate without anything more than anecdotal evidence.

[10] This is the polite and much-abbreviated retelling of events.  For all my fellow researchers who have encountered resistance from a university research ethics board, I extend my full sympathy.  I still keep in my dissertation binder the business card of a fellow researcher who I had the pleasure of hearing present an interactionist paper on the topic of conflicts between researchers and research ethics boards.  I spoke with him later, retelling my story, at which point he nearly bowed in my presence and began to tell others at the conference that I was a Goddess for succeeding in pushing through to achieve my research agenda.  Such praise came at a point when it was much needed.

[11] Prior to moving to Ontario, I had almost never observed children at public rituals in St. John’s Newfoundland, my previous place of residence, but that may have been because events I attended were usually organized by university students.  During my two years in Newfoundland, there were a small handful of public rituals in St. John’s, but none were attended by parents with children accompanying them.  There were, however, several teenagers (first generation) and other adult Pagans not associated with the university in attendance at these events.  Since 2002 I have also attended a few events in Winnipeg, Manitoba while visiting with family.  These public rituals did include young children in attendance, and it was some of my early observations of children and parents at these rituals that inspired me to engage in a study of children within the Pagan movement.

[12] For more about WGWC, their website is http://www.wildgingerwitches.org/

[13] Path work consists of daily workshops in series.  Attendees are expected to choose one “path” for the weekend and so attend workshops with the same group.  The workshops build in sequence within each path.

[14] Some of the more emotionally-intensive path workings do not invite young people.  This is primarily motivated out of a respect for the adult practitioners who might be uncomfortable revealing very intense memories or emotions in the presence of children and adolescents.  It also reflects an expectation that such adult emotional-intensity is not appropriate to be witnessed by children and adolescents.  These adult concerns will be addressed in chapter five.

[15] For more about SOTE, their website is http://www.spiritsfest.com/

[16] The longest interview, however, was over three and a half hours.  The child’s interview was also unusually long at just over an hour.

Happy Holidays Gatherings

 

We're gearing up for four days of fun!  It all starts Thursday with a potluck, cookie exchange, (and perchance some knitting?) with the UpTown Knit Mob.  Nom nom nom. 

Followed by an evening babysitting for a friend, which equates to a fun playdate for Abi.  This will be the first time the friend has been here, after Abi's visited there a couple times, so I'm sure she'll be showing him all her toys.

Saturday evening is the housewarming / Christmas party for Robin's cousins, where I expect Candace will feed Abi loads of cookies and treats (again) and Abi will stay up partying until perhaps she falls asleep on someone. (Any volunteers?)

Sunday is our Yule potluck with friends.

I hope you have fun this weekend too!

By Saturday I hope to have my NEW GLASSES! Yes, after a decade of the same glasses and same prescription, I finally got my eyes to an exam and bought new glasses.  Basically, I couldn't find my reading glasses for days (found them when I got home, of course) and I can no longer look at the computer with my regular glasses without an instant headache - not productive.  I'd been writing by hand in the meantime (without glasses).  For months now my standard glasses have been causing me pain and my reading glasses seemed a better prescription, except that the frames are broken (even older frame than current glasses) and not comfortable.  Needless to say, I was well overdue for an eye exam and new glasses. (I did get my eyes checked before the wedding 6.5 yrs ago and my prescription hadn't changed. I had intended to do it around the time when I got pregnant, then put it off until post-partum, and then never did get around to it.)  My eyesight has improved and my new prescription is weaker. That explains why the reading glasses felt better.

 In this large photo you might be able to see Abi's dental work on her left side. Teeth inside the canines are the worst, but the left has been rebuilt while her right still needs to be drilled and rebuilt - next year when insurance is "renewed" to cover the costs!