Thinking of others

I thought you'd enjoy this lovely little exchange I had yesterday with Abigail.  We were on our way out to New Hamburg with plans to stop at Meme's Cafe for a coffee (which turned into a hot apple cider for us to share) and then to Shall We Knit to shop with my gift certificate.  Abigail was home because of the lieu-holiday-days for daycare.
I turned on the radio, "maybe we can find some good music" I said.
"Can you put on the Monkey song?" asks Abi
"Sorry hun, I don't have it here in the car. I made a copy for the car. But I forgot the copy. I don't know where it is."
"Mom, you forgot your coffee?  You can share my water."

huh? where did she get... oh, she heard coffee when I said copy... Wasn't that sweet?  She thought I forgot my coffee and so offered to share her drink.
So much for selfish, self-centered toddlers.

Have I mentioned how much I dislike the pop-children's-developmental-psych BS?  Ditto on the classical stage models that inform them.
I'm pretty sure they neglect one crucial factor - kids learn from modeling (among other things). If they behave in self-centered ways, maybe they learned THAT behaviour.  You know, the typical "don't touch mommy's things" would easily translate into "don't touch my things" for a kid.  The "experts" conveniently remember this later in a child's development - especially when they want to point out negative influences of peers and media - but I digress.
Of course sometimes Abi doesn't want other kids touching her toys.  Certainly we've asked her not to touch some of our stuff - although we're pretty darn easy going and there's only a few things we say that for.  And other kids have insisted she not touch their things.  And she's had several experiences now where she has kindly let other kids play with her toys and they break them.  Who can blame her for not wanting them to touch her toys.  Or, it's the one toy she's playing with and someone walks up and just expects her to share it.  Would we do that to another adult?  "Oh, I see you're playing a really cool single player video game and you're half-way through but I want to play right now so I expect you to stop the game and let me join."  Yeah, I've watched gamers, I don't see that happening. Or, "hey, nice new sports car, can I drive it? I swear I won't break this one!"  Or, to choose an example closer to my own idea of fun, "hey, that's some nice yarn and knitting. I'd love to use some of that yarn, would you mind if I just cut some of it off for myself?" (ludicrous idea! and dude, you ain't touching my alpaca! get your own alpaca! I am not sharing. At least not until I am all done this project - then you might get my leftovers.)  Or perhaps they just want to do some of your knitting for you, as if they can knit the same as you (we all have different tension, techniques, etc).
Nope, I think it's perfectly fair for a child to behave in seemingly "selfish" ways - not because children are "naturally selfish" (BS) but because we all are. We all have our own things we like to do, our own projects, our own special toys. And we will grant that others have their own special things and respect that. So why not respect children having their special things - not for sharing. 

How many of us would hear "I forgot my coffee" and instantly respond "you can share mine".  (Okay, quite a few of the people I know, because I know awesome people, but I think you get my point.)