It's late (midnight) and I'm feeling reflective. Or maybe I'm simply feeling like talking. Either way, here I am typing and thinking (and eating banana bread crumbs off the plate that once held a warm slice of banana bread fresh from the oven).
I've said this many time before, but it is still true. When I think of Abigail I am caught between two measures of time. On the one hand, I can't believe she is already a year old. One year (and a bit) ago I gave birth to this beautiful child. Now she is climbing down from beds and couches, zipping across the floor on her hands and knees (and I do mean fast!), standing up alone, walking along furniture, holding her arms in the air and asking "up", signing for milk, covering her head to play peek-a-boo, and smiling with her 8 teeth... [most of these things are not recent accomplishments but are still very popular].
On the other hand, I do not recall life without Abigail. It is as if she has always been a part of my life - and that is a wonderful thing. I do remember doing things without her - my mommy-amnesia isn't that bad! It is more a sense of completeness (how cheesy does that sound?) and I don't remember being incomplete. I wasn't incomplete before Abigail came into our lives. I am, however, more fully complete with her here. I would certainly be incomplete without her in my life now.
Every day is filled with Abi for me. From the moment I wake until the moment I fall asleep Abigail is at the center.
A typical day is something like this:
0800h Robin is opening drawers getting dressed for work. I wake. By the time he leaves for work I'm ready to quietly roll out of bed. I literally roll out so as to not wake Abi who is sleeping beside me and has just finished nursing. The mattresses are on the floor now incase Abi rolls out of bed too accidentally.
Things can progress one of two ways at this point. Either Abi wakes or she sleeps. If she awakes she'll be up for a couple hours and go back to sleep by 1100 for a morning nap. If she stays asleep it's until 1000 or 1100h. Let's pretend it's the latter.
I get up, eat a bowl of cereal, check my e-mails and Facebook. Then I read a book (not fiction. I haven't read fiction in a long time) or grade assignments or transcribe or work on a paper or prepare a class... In short, I work while Abigail sleeps in. Oh, and start laundry. Let's not forget the constant laundry. And feed the pets. And let the dog out.
And drink something with caffeine. Usually tea. Sometimes coffee.
While I'm downstairs I will stare blankly at the messy living room. Abigail has toys strewn about and has at least one shelf of books pulled down. I'll get to it later... when she is playing.
1100h Abigail wakes. I know this because she has crawled over to the cat asleep at the end of the bed and now Fenwick is meowing at her tail being pulled. Abi greets me with a smile. We (I) sing the morning sun song:
The golden cockerel crows in the morning
wake up children/Abi, welcome the day.
the sun's bright rays are lighting the heavens
chasing sleepiness away
Sunshine, gladly we greet you
here come running to meet you
please shine in us and through us
brightening our play all day
You may recognize it with some words changed.
We go into the purple room, change her diaper, let her pee on the potty, get dressed, read a baby book, look out the window, talk about the day's plans... Then we go down to the living room and Abigail plays with her toys. She pulls blocks out of a box. She puts blocks and books into a box. Pulls them out of the box... Follows a cat across the floor to the sliding door and looks out onto the sunny deck. Notices the kalanchoe plant and pulls off a few (more) leaves to hand to me.
Time for some breakfast. Lately that has been baked egg yolk, which she dutifully feeds at least half of to Darla. I brew up some tea for Abi, either nettle or rooibus. She loves them both.
The rest of the day is spent playing, chasing animals, walking along furniture, chatting at me, nursing, crawling away, trying to pull things off the table, walking away with the dining room chairs, sitting at the gate as I wash dishes in the kitchen... If I can I pull out a knitting project. It is something I can work on while watching Abigail and can easily drop if needed.
Hopefully, by 1300h she is ready for a nap. Sometimes it is short at only an hour. Sometimes she sleeps as long as four hours. I like those days, although I'm never certain how long she will nap for. I can extend a short nap if I happen to catch the moment she wakes and can roll in to nurse her. Satisfied, she will often fall back asleep.
While she naps I can get back to work. At this point, however, I may feel more motivated to clean the living room and sweep it. Sweeping requires picking up all the toys and not having Abigail around to chase the broom or explore the pile of dirt. And there is laundry to work on. So I do that, then I check e-mail again. And Facebook. I pretend that there is more to the world than just my house. And I go back to whatever I was working on in the office, listening for Abigail to wake up. At my desk I eat a piece of fairly traded dark chocolate. It is part of my not-so-secret stash. Robin dares not touch it.
Soonafter it is time for Robin to get home from work and make dinner. Oh, yeah, I bet I forgot to eat lunch, so by now I am very hungry.
We have dinner in front of the TV since all the things I try to keep out of Abi's reach are piled on the dining room table. If I really have to I can clear space, but we don't usually bother to. Abi crawls about on the futon, throwing toys, while we eat. I'll often go back to work for a while and leave Abi with Robin as they watch curling (currently) or some other sporting event on TV. Depending on the day, I'll join them later to watch one of our favourite shows such as Heroes or Supernatural. Abigail does not nap in the evening. She is usually full of energy. She likes to play peek-a-boo with her daddy and poke at our belly buttons.
2200h (10pm) I am exhausted. Abi and I curl up in bed to nurse her to sleep.
However, if I am not tired I will sneak away and return to my office, just as I have done tonight. I can always choose to sleep in with her tomorrow morning.
Soon I will sneak back in. Inevitably I will wake her a little, she will roll over to nurse, and we will both fall asleep instantly.
Thus ends another day with Abigail. 24 hours. 7 days a week. It's a full time job.
Needless to say, I am not looking forward to the day when she figures out she can carry things when she walks. I believe that will be the impetus for her to start walking. For now she prefers to crawl because she knows she can do it quickly and get where she wants to go. But sooner than later she is going to discover the benefits of walking, which will quickly be followed by running. For this reason, I am not encouraging her to walk! That is, I don't take her hands and walk around with her. She walks herself enough with the help of furniture, moving chairs, baskets, boxes, large toys, etc.
It is late and I should crawl back into bed. We have our regular Friday afternoon coffee to attend tomorrow. A chance to get out of the house and talk with other adults about non-baby things like religion.
